So, it's finally, really... REALLY setting in that I'm a momma. This little being is so relying on us for everything and we know him better than anyone else. It's the stuff that makes me tear up nowadays- the thing that's been described so many times from others and can only be experienced on your own... parenthood and specifically, motherhood. How can you love somebody so much it hurts like dying when they hurt from a tiny scratch? Be a mom...
I know the face he makes about 10 seconds before he sneezes. And there's a spot on his forehead that gets red when he's getting ready to poop. And right after he's done nursing, he looks up at me with those eyes and says 'Ah-Goo!' with a huge smile like he's saying 'thanks momma, I needed that.' And I beat myself up if he has the slightest thing wrong with him- a mother's guilt I guess... like when his nails are a little long and I can hack the little rake marks on my boobies and think nothing of it, but as soon as he scratches his face, I freak saying, duh! he was leaving marks on me! Stuff like this....
This happened a few weeks ago so now I'm laughing a little, but at the time, I felt like the worse mother ever. Since then, I've been getting almost 8 hours of sleep a night (for a week now!!!) and I've gotten better at drowsy middle of the night feedings, like putting leaky boobies away before moving. If you're not familiar with nursing bras (I wear one 23.5 hours a day (except for shower)), they have a latch at the base of the strap, right above the bra cup- a rounded plastic hook. Well, after a midnight nursing session and about an hour of sleep, Wyatt fell asleep on me and I went to put him down in his crib and his head was cupped in my hand but not leaving my shoulder when I leaned over. A little grunt and I looked down to see his nostril was stuck on the hook. A simple up and out resolved it, he went right back to sleep so I guess it didn't bug him too much but I freaked and cried that I had hurt him.
So, like I said, I felt like a bad mom but it's things like this that put those things in perspective for me: disturbing story here
On the positive side, Wyatt's playing with his hands more- sticking them in his mouth more is how that reads. He's blowing spit bubbles through motorboat lips (raspberry, whatever you want to call it- the blowing out while lips loose and vibrating with sound emitting thing). He's getting better at tummy time, sitting up and standing on my lap- with my hands under his arms of course. He's got another doctors appt on the 4th and another round of shots so we'll know more then on the 'official development' etc. but we're just pleased as punch at his smiles and personality so far. Plus the whole sleeping through the night bit is nice too, heh. I get a 6-8 hour chunk each night!
More later.
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